The thing is though, I'm not overly comfortable talking to him about my beliefs. Not because I'm ashamed of them, but because I really really don't want to influence him at this stage in his life. He's still young. He's very impressionable and is always seeking approval, and I'm worried that he'll want to do something or be a part of something just because Mom is. And it's not that I don't want him to be a part of it, I just firmly believe that people should find their own paths, and should not be steered in any one direction. While my intentions would certainly not be to steer him or influence him, I think it would be unavoidable given his insatiable desire to be Just.Like. the people he loves. But I want him to be Just.Like. him. Does that make sense? So the only aspect of my personal beliefs that he's been aware of up to now has been that I don't believe in a god.
On the flip side though, I don't want to make Paganism inaccessible to him and I've always tried to be as open as possible with him (with everything, not just religion/spirituality). I don't want to put up a wall and keep him blissfully unaware of it, and potentially limit him to the (very few) choices that are readily available around here.
In any case, I will always answer his questions. The kid has a gazillion questions about everything under the sun, and sometimes things that aren't under the sun. I've become very good at explaining completely unrelated things in age-appropriate language on the fly. Sometimes it hurts my head, but most of the time I'm just surprised at all the random information I've picked up over the years from who knows where - information that, so far in my life, has served absolutely no purpose other than to appease the curiousity of an inquisitive kid and make him think I'm some kind of supergenius that knows everything.
Anyway. The Boy had questions about all sorts of things relating to beliefs, religion, and spirituality, and I answered them as well as I could. He first asked about Buddha, but unfortunately I don't know much beyond the very basics, and I told him as much. Then he said he also believed in magic ("But not the movie magic, that's just fancy cameras"), and in witches and wizards ("But not the kind of witches with warts and green skin. That's stupid"). I told him that witches are just regular people who believe in all sorts of different things and have learned skills that many other people haven't. He asked about 345897 more questions, then wanted to know if I knew any witches, if I was friends with them, and whether or not he'd met them before. Then he asked how I knew so much about them. Well, by this point I was tired of dancing around and being evasive, so I up and told him that I'm in the process of learning to become one.
And of course he thought that was just about the coolest thing ever. He immediately began to put the pieces together; the herb garden, the "table with cool stuff on it" in my bedroom, my wand and jar of feathers, my necklace, etc. etc. He asked about potions and spells, and I took extra care in explaining the idea behind "magic", and that it's not hocus pocus stuff or turning people into toads (although we both agreed that there are certain people in the world who would probably be better off as toads), and it's nothing like Harry Potter. We also talked about the various holidays and how they compare/relate to the ones that he's familiar with. He was very excited about Samhain, but was disappointed when I reminded him that he will be at his mom's place this Oct. 31 (for those who haven't read my About page, I'm actually his stepmom. He won't be with us this year because we alternate holidays/events, and he was with us for Halloween last year).
He seems pretty enamoured with the idea that he's "half-Pagan", although of course I explained that religion isn't hereditary, and that even if it was, I'm not his biological mother so it would be a moot point anyway.
I have no idea whether any of my disclaimers re: magic actually made it through, but he said he understood and so far he hasn't asked for a ride on my broomstick. I reiterated that my beliefs are my beliefs, and that if he believes something different then that's totally okay. I also told him that my beliefs are nobody else's business, and that if I want somebody else to know about them, I will be the one to tell them, not him (although I did tell him that he can talk about them with his dad if he wants, as he already knows).
When Husband came home for the weekend, him and I discussed it at length. Because BoyChild isn't technically my child, I felt like I shouldn't start delving deeper into such an important and potentially sensitive topic with him until I've made sure that his dad is comfortable with me doing so. Husband is very open-minded though, and while he doesn't necessarily share my beliefs, he thinks it's a great idea to start teaching the boy about the different belief systems that are out there, especially my own.
So I've ordered One World, Many Religions, which apparently has a good Buddhist section (as the boy mentioned he was interested in Buddha), along with sections on four other major religions so he can learn the basics of those, too. Sadly, I couldn't find a multi-religion book that included Paganism, so I ordered Growing Up Pagan, which hopefully (even though I'm not Wiccan) will at least provide some basics. He's excited about it, and honestly, so am I. It will be interesting to go through the books with him and learn new things together.
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3 comments:
This is a difficult spot every time. Our Little Princess knows I'm a Witch, she knows other people are Christian, Jewish... and she doesn't care much about any of it lol (she is five).
My Piano Man and I are completely against indoctrinating children, but we inform her and answer her questions. Funny you order some literature because I'm thinking about getting mythologies of the world.
I think myth is a light way to approach certain issues. That way I can leave the RELIGION monster for when she can understand better. But if she asks tomorrow, well, let's hope she takes her time ;-)
I think it is not a bad thing, as parents, to share personal religious views with the children, and maybe even letting them participate if that is what they want at the time. They will grow up to find their own ways sooner or later nevertheless, and nothing a loving parent can say or do will make a difference in that. But I think sharing is important because it gives the child a good spiritual foundation on which to build his/her own personal spiritual home.
Excellent post about what must be a difficult topic. I do understand some of the difficulties, especially since the child you're talking to isn't your biological offspring. (Pretty sure he's still yours in heart, if not in genetics. Lucky kid has lots parents it sounds like :) ) Either way, I have to include that I really liked the way my parents answered my early questions about religion. I was raised Catholic. Both parents readily answered to the best of their ability about other faiths- without bias. They bothered to read up on things themselves and give me a fair answer. Of course they told me that they would prefer for me to remain Catholic, but they also told me they would understand any decision I made as long as it was an informed decision. It always seemed like a fair answer to me. I now find myself walking the same line when my goddaughter asks me her million and a half questions.
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